MUSIC CLASS - Grade School
Whenever I had classes I enjoyed the ones where I could sit and read, sit and do math or later sit and type up a paper. Any class that involved other things I hated, with the exception of maybe gym at points. Music wasn't the worst but I sure hated singing the lame songs. Even at 7 years old I knew the songs we were singing were fucking terrible juvenile shit, I laughed at the fact we had to sing this bullshit when I came home and listened to Danzig, Dr. Dre and Nine Inch Nails. The only cool song I remember singing was People Are People by Depeche Mode, which stood out so much because even at that age I hated being patronized for being young. Even though I was between 7 and 10 I knew that this class patronized my intelligence.
PEP RALLYS - High School
Thankfully I went to a small Catholic high school that had a strong sports culture but a very low excitement level in general for it by anyone who didn't play (about half the school). We only occasionally had pep rallys, and whenever we did they were mandatory.It was usually our goal to be as annoying as possible, and not in a loud way but in a "loud and obnoxious" way. Our only goal in doing this was because there was nothing else to do, we hated high school and had no school spirit whatsoever. I felt that it was ridiculous that we should feel obligated to care whether or not our sports teams win or not, much less expect us to act overly happy about it. Fuck these.
CHURCH - 1st Grade - High School
Since I went to a Catholic school and had to go weekly for 12 damn years, I have almost all boring mass stories, I wouldn't have minded it so much if it were only sit and chill for 50 minutes every Tuesday while we talk nonsense at you. It was never that though, it was more like this:
Arrive:
SIT
STAND
SING
SIT
STAND
SING
SIT
STAND
SIT
STAND
SING
KNEEL
STAND
SING
SIT
STAND
SHAKE HANDS
SING
WALK UP FOR COOKIE
KNEEL
STAND
SIT
Leave
I know I didn't actually go into the whole mass, that would have taken five pages. It also is important to say that this is all done in the most boring and dull manner possible, ESPECIALLY the singing! There may be a couple old women singing really happily, but everyone else sounds like they are falling asleep. Also it is important to note that I am omitting the "repeat after me" stuff that happens constantly too. It's a terrible boring mess that you have to attend, and learn nothing from it other than how much you don't want to go back.
The worst part of having to do this every week is that you know it's a waste of time. Inefficiency is something that really bothered me in my childhood, it truly made me dislike a lot of things permanently.
The best part of being an adult is you get to cut down on a lot of the shit you hate, which is all the stuff that is force fed to you. The liberation is huge, and in college everything is optional which is the way it should be in a lot of cases for kids.
THE LOCKER ROOM SALOON - Adult
The first time I walked into this place, it felt like walking into a headache. Upon entering you receive two drumsticks which you are expected (sometimes YELLED at) to use. The moment I realized I needed to put this place on the permanent ban list occurred when the DJ played this classical deep gem by Poison named "Talk Dirty To Me". As the crowd was encouraged to sing along to one of the all time worst songs by one of the all time worst bands, a 5'6" ex jock who looked and acted a lot like the waiter from Office Space started yelling at me for not participating. This persisted throughout the song and I lost it and explained to him that I will not being doing that ever and he needs to leave me alone NOW. He thankfully stopped, as did I. I haven't been to Locker Room Balloon since.
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